I carefully roasted the spaghetti squash his favorite, in the oven. Sauteed earthy mushrooms with fresh green beans and plenty of Himalayan pink salt and minced garlic. In another pan, I prepared the chicken breasts and threw in plump cherry tomatoes.... once cooked into a buttery soft texture, I added the garlic, tarragon, and Greek seasoning, as well as the milk, sour cream, butter and mozzarella that would create a creamy sauce with this lovely meal.
I took my time creating this dish, knowing my husband would be coming home after a week out in the field. He had one decent meal all week (when a higher up ordered in pizza) but mostly survived on the tasteless and questionable de-fac food and formless MRE's. He had endured the hot, the cold, the dry and the wet~ and most of all, stupidity all around him.
He had somehow injured himself during the field as well, so I knew upon his return he would want to unload, get comfortable, and not worry bout anything. That past week I had cleaned and tidied the house to turn it back into a home. We had been in and out of the country for the past month for our wedding and needless to say, luggage still lay scattered, beds were unmade and there was a horrific mountain of clothes in the center of our bedroom floor we simply had not had the energy to bother with since getting back to the States the day before Thanksgiving. We were both emotionally exhausted and 'tidying up' was the last thing on our to-do list.
The house now smelled of my favorite scented candles, a mix of fall aromas and the scent of Tibetan temples. The faint garlic from the food simmering and the piney smell from our Christmas tree blend into a happy melody....
I cooked for two hours...cleaned..dishes...bills...worried about bills..paid bills..grabbed his card and paid a late bill I hadn't noticed...prayed for his safety...sprayed perfume all over our room to make it smell nice in contrast to the sweaty stank smells he had endured for the past week..and sat down again...
And waited..
I wobbled up on the stack of logs to connect the Christmas lights outside so it would be a nice 'homey' scene when he came home. Nearly ripped my nice tights doing it and was scared I'd twist an ankle the whole time.
And waited some more...
In and out being on the brink of tears my emotions rose up and it stunned me. It stuns me how the longer I know him, the more I miss him. I had no idea this was possible and it's a strange feeling for someone who's exes have referred to as the 'Ice Queen'. I would normally care less about how I spend an evening and if I prepared for anything. I am quite capable of entertaining myself, so this lost feeling is not something I know. Though this love is very nice, it is also strange for me.
3.5 hours later....still waiting.
The candles I lit are almost burnt gone. The food is steady on simmer, but the squash has long since gone dry waiting. I received a text saying he would be home soon, but that was an hour ago...
As I lay in bed two nights ago, wrapped around his pillow and fighting insomnia, I thought about what it would have been like to marry someone who would be home every night. No surprises. No delays. No wars. No fears of future wars that may rip him away. No wondering if the next training he gets sent to will do permanent physical damage to his body..or wondering if I will survive moving to a place when I don't have a choice in where we go. Wondering how on earth did I get myself wrapped up in this mess?
But at the same time I thought all of this, I knew I didn't want any other person. The very thought of not having him in my life was more painful than the salty tears that bit at my eyes to be released as I watched the food slowly go from gourmet level to some weird simmered away concoction. And since I'm a fool enough to believe he will be home any moment, I sit waiting. Patiently. Constantly looking out the window as the lovely wife, waiting to leap into his arms and show him what I've created for his dinner. I love that man...but boy, Uncle Sam though...
Thanks Uncle Sam...I've never been stood up before.
*Uncle Sam is a term commonly used to refer to the USA as, Government, Military, etc. etc. for the whipper-snappers out there that think I have an actual Uncle Sam that didn't come to dinner and the reference threw completely off the story trail.
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